The Final Countdown...

Hi!
Just 10 days now until the big surgery day.  It seems I'm a special patient.  I get not one, but two surgeons.  Yay for me. :(  The first doctor is Dr. O'Koon, a general surgeon.  He will be repairing my groin hernia.  My fertility specialist, Dr. Homm will be going in second to work on my lady parts.  I have some weirdness going on that makes me have some pain just about everyday.  My left ovary (namely the trouble maker) is attached to my uterus.  I'm told this is not supposed to be.  Basically the ovary bends down and is attached to the uterus so when the uterus moves it pulls on my ovary.  (ouch!) It's the same ovary that had the large cyst on it so there's likely some major scar tissue.  I'm thinking maybe he should just take it out, I have another one.  OUT WITH THE TROUBLE MAKER!  :)  Gotta have a sense of humor these days or I will go crazy. 

I also have a pretty large mass just hanging out in my uterus taking up space and causing some other weird events.  Dr. Homm is not really sure what it is, but it could be from all the miscarriages or just scar tissue.   He's also going to make sure everything is clear and see if there is any endometriosis.

I'm told it will take about three weeks for me to be able to do "normal" activity after the double surgery.  I'm thinking I will be up and running within a few days.  They don't know this superwoman :).  I will try to post between now and of course as soon as I'm lucid after the surgery I will post too.  Until then, I could use a few prayers or maybe a lot of prayers.  Thanks bloggy friends.  XOXO

There will be days like this...

It's been a tough day.  What can I say.  One foot in front of the other.  Today is one of those days I just can't get my cousins out of my mind.  The cousins I lost suddenly in a car accident over the summer.  The above picture is a random night I was visiting WV from Louisville.  The girls and I had ice cream and watched cartoons on a blanket all night.  I miss those nights.  I miss their giggles.  I miss my girls.  Not much else to say tonight.  I know that God is good always.  He is, but my heart still hurts...

Apparently I'm a bad furbaby mother...

Diesel and Lexy went for their checkups.  Lexy got a shot and Diesel got a diet. :)  Per doctor's orders, D has to lose 5 pounds, eat 25% less twice a day.  Poor guy.  I told him he's not fat, he's just fluffy.  Apparently everything I'm doing or have done is wrong.  I started mixing their food because they would eat each other's food.  Apparently that's a bad idea because Lexy's puppy food has too much fat in it for Diesel.  I also probably shouldn't give them as much cheese for a snack.  Whatever.  I am also not crate training Lexy the right way.  Geez...I thought I was a good furbaby mom.  They go back next month.  All I can say is Diesel is already not a happy camper.  I will let you know what happens.  XOXO

The American Dream

What does it mean to be an American?  That's the question I ponder as a sweet little girl with long black hair no more than 5 years old, sits on my couch with her mom and baby sister.  Their family is at our house so we can talk about the letter they need my husband and I to write to keep the mother from being deported. 

Why is it that some of us are lucky enough to be born citizens while others have to risk their lives to even get to America?

This is a short entry, but one I hope will remind of how lucky some of us are. 

Channeling My Inner Martha

Cooking, cleaning and all that jazz...

I find myself at 28 in the job of my dreams.  I've worked hard to get to his point.  Lots of weird schedules, working holidays and sacrificing family time.  It's all been worth it!  Now as I approach 30, I find myself wondering if I should now strive to be more domestic, you know like Martha Stewart. 

I asked my wonderful husband last night if he wishes I were more of a homemaker and less of a career woman and he says no.  Yep, he earned major points with that.  Either way, I feel like I should maybe cook a little more or learn how to make something.  Maybe I will try to learn how to sew or maybe I will try to bake something from scratch.  Or maybe I should just leave that to the Kroger bakery and not burn the house down. 

My sister-in-law Andrea is so creative and domestic I am often jealous (in a good way) that I can't be more like her.  She makes her own soap, cleaning products and sews like a crazy woman.  Maybe I should try to channel my inner Andrea instead of Martha. :)  I will update you on how it all turns out. 

Finding My JOY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

I find myself on the couch with a bag of Hershey's chocolate and my favorite warm blanket with my hubby.  No fancy restaurant for us, no, no, no.  I decided what better way to celebrate the big VDay than to start this blog.  Writing is my therapy.  I also believe in the power of prayer so as you read this please keep me in prayer. 

How did I start out Valentine's Day?  Well, with a visit to the doctor's office of course.  Let's rewind a year or so to get to why I'm visiting the doctor on Valentine's Day.  The last year has not be a kind one or one that I would like to remember.  It's been a year of deep loss for my immediate and extended family.  It was about this time last year that my husband and I were begining our journey of trying to conceive (TTC).  Yep, baby time.  We were excited to be on this new journey.  But it wasn't long until we were met with deep heartbreak.  We experienced our first miscarriage just before Mother's Day.  What a difficult weekend that was. 

We quickly learned one in four women experience the same loss.  No one shares those statistics when you are TTC.  Maybe that's because it's one of those unmentionable conversations.  We recovered quickly as we always do with bumps in the road.  Over the next few months, we would relive our loss many times over.  Five.  That's the number we are sticking with.  The number of unborn babies we have in heaven.  That's a lot of loss.  It become routine for us to follow a positive pregnancy test with a "well maybe this one will make it a few more weeks".  That never really happened for us.  We finally knew it was time to stop, get a grip and feel human again. 

Take one step back.  In the middle of our battle with TTC, we were faced with another battle.  My three cousins were killed in a car accident.  Talk about knocking the breath right out of you.  Jesus had me on my knees more than ever.  There were a few nights, maybe more than a few when I really did cry out to Jesus asking why, even though I know I should not question My Savior.  It's funny how in those moments when the pain in your stomach radiates to your heart and it hurts to even take another breath that you feel Jesus the most.  I wondered so many times how someone who does not know the love of Jesus could get through such loss. 

With the begining of December came the begining of our hiatus from TTC.  We decided to see a specialist.  He found some "problems" with me.  Yep, I'm broken.  That's what I like to call it.  I have several issues leading to my infertility (IF).  One of which causes consistant pain and I will be having a surgery for in March.  Now enter a new year, January.  Just when I was hoping for a new year and a new start another problem pops up.  A hernia.  Seriously, I am not sure where this came from.  I do know it's painful.  The specialist referred me to another doctor to hopefully fix my hernia at the same time as the fertility issues. 

So on this Valentine's Day I sit in pain on the couch with my wonderful hubby who understands my "brokeness" and two great pooches.  I know that one day soon I will be "normal" or "not broken".  Until that day, I will nurse my brokeness with this blog and let it Fuel My Joy!