OH BABY!

Well friends, now you know why I've been absent from my little bloggy.  We're having a baby.  All I can say is God is good.  It's been a bumpy road to this point, but worth it. 

How We Found Out:  Something was feeling a little off.  So I took a test, ok maybe three and all were positive.  It was the day before my birthday so I was super excited to get such a wonderful gift.  We only had a few moments of joy before reality hit us that I would have to immediately call the doctor and get a bunch of tests.  The good news is that all of those tests were really good.

First Doctor Visit:  A few days after our positive results, we made a trip to Dr. Homm's office (fertility expert).  An ultra sound confirmed it.  Dr. Homm even said it was a complete miracle, no IVF!  Dr. Homm did deliver some news we didn't want.  I had a very large blood clot next to the baby and part of the placenta had detached.  Not good, but still we remained positive.  Dr. Homm recommended I go on bed rest, but I insisted I couldn't do that with work.  So I started blood thinner shots to hopefully help with the clot.  I have a clotting disorder with a huge name that I can never pronounce, but it's called MTFHR.  Basically my blood clots too much and it causes a bunch of problems like miscarriage, exhaustion and oh heart attack!  I learned how to give myself injections in the stomach and have been since.  This has made my stomach several shades of green, black, brown, red and yellow.  It has forced me to buy my first one piece suit. :)  Humor, you gotta have it.  I will have to give myself the shots until the end at which time my new doctor will switch to another med so I won't bleed out during delivery.  I also had to take additional progesterone until week 13 and a ton of extra folic acid.  All of that made for a tough and rough first trimester.

First Trimester:  Well it's almost over and I'm feeling much better.  I did not think I would ever make it this far.  The good news is that I no longer have to take progesterone.  We are just a few days from week 14 and my baby bump is clearly defined.  :)  I have officially entered the maternity section.  We had a great visit to the doctor recently.  He says everything is normal and baby F is healthy.  All of our tests for Downs Syndrome and other disorders/disease came back normal.  We go back to our regular OB August 19th to hopefully find out what we are having.  We are due January 28, 2012.  In the meantime, here are some Baby F photos.  Enjoy!

 

New Post Coming Soon

Sorry friends that I have been away for a while.  A new, detailed post as to why will be coming soon.  I promise!  XOXO

I'm Back, back again...

I'm back.  Sorry for the brief hiatus, we've been very busy. 

VEGAS BABY!
Chris and I took a short weekend trip to Vegas.  We had a great time with the exception of the freezing weather.  We left Louisville and 90 degree weather to land in Vegas and 40 degree weather.  We traveled to the Hoover Dam while there and I had In-N-Out burger twice.  In-N-Out is my favorite fast food ever, but it's not available east of Vegas.  I highly recommend it if you travel west.

FERTILITY OR LACK OF.
Over the last few weeks, Chris and I have made a decision about fertility treatment.  We are waiting until after summer to move forward.  The entire experience so far has been mentally and physically exhausting.  We both want to enjoy summer and allow my body to continue to heal.  We are enjoying these few moments of freedom from test strips, needles, charting, doctor apts and blood work.  Chris and I have decided to go with the option Dr. Homm suggested of hormone shots.  He says he will only allow us to do three series because if it's going to work, it will within that time frame.  Each series is one month of shots.  I'm really dreading having to give myself a shot in the stomach, but Chris says he will help me.  :)  I'm more worried about the person I will morph into because of the hormones.  This may be more of a concern for Chris.  Please pray for him. ;)  We will likely begin this in October.  It's very expensive, but I'm praying it will be worth it.  If the hormone treatments do not work, we have decided on adoption.  Please pray for us over the next few months.

WORK, WORK AND WORK
It's the busiest time of year for us.  Thunder, Derby and sweeps all at once.  Dear friends I will be checking out for the next few weeks until I get caught up at work.  I will post pictures of work related Derby events soon.  I met a wonderful lady today who heads up a church doll ministry.  She was such an inspiration.  God works in mysterious ways.  :)

XOXO

Los Siento

I'm sorry bloggy friends.  I have been away for a while, but I promise to fill you in on all the happenings in my life.  Just to tease you it will include everything from a trip to Vegas to upcoming Kentucky Derby stuff.  I will write soon.  XOXO - Jenn

Why NOT Me?

When something bad happens to someone, the first question that comes to mind usually is simply why me?  I've asked myself this question many times in my 28 years on this planet.  On Friday, Chris and I received news we were fearing.  Instead of asking why me, I found myself dealing with it by saying WHY NOT ME.  The news - It will be very difficult and maybe impossible for us to conceive.  We had a post op appointment with our fertility specialist, Dr. Homm.  He is a fantastic doctor and very sincere.  I could tell he was trying to choose his words wisely when talking to us.  Inside I was thinking, Doctor - My husband and I see death on a regular basis, we break bad news everyday and keep it together when the world is burning up around us, we are capable of hearing "bad news".  I didn't say anything, I just sat quietly taking it all in.  I remember thinking, am I really here in THIS moment.  He gave us some good news first.  I have "some" good looking female parts, but not the parts that really need to work.  My problem is my very small and aged ovaries.  The doctor is not sure why my ovaries have aged, but there's no reversing it.  The left ovary is pretty much gone from a cyst I had removed and the right is nearing the end of it's useful age with few eggs left.  Why not me.  God does not promise life with be easy.  He says there WILL be troubles, but He will be with us.  So why not me.  God WILL bless us in this trial.  It is His plan and our privilege to be a part of it. 

Options
Unlike some people with fertility problems, we have options.  We have three which are all very costly.  The first is injecting myself with hormones in hopes my right ovary gives up the best of what eggs are left.  Along with that I continue taking a aspirin and possibly a blood thinner for my clotting disorder along with hormones to sustain the pregnancy.  The second option is IVF - all I can say is expensive!  Our third and final option is adoption.  We will likely do adoption even if we do one of the others.  We both want one biological and one adopted.  There are thousands of unwanted children on this earth that deserve a home.  We will be in prayer while deciding over the next few weeks.

God speaks...
While in church this morning, a couple with their adopted daughter sat in front of us.  I could not take my eyes off of them.  It was like God strategically put them in my path.  I watched their facial expressions and the way they acted toward one another.  It was like God was speaking to me.  I've really struggled with the notion of going forward with adoption.  I feel like I need to mourn my fertility.  I know that sounds insane, but that's how I feel.  You are getting my raw and unedited feelings folks.  Chris is ready to adopt now.  He's looking at adoption Web sites and reading all the laws and information.  But he still understands my fragile feelings.  I explained to him I am still "mourning" my fertility.  I'm not sure how that sounds to someone else, but it makes sense in my mind.  I feel like God is really pushing us in the adoption direction, but I have a lot of concerns.  It just so happens there's an adoption summit at our church in May.  See, God speaks.  I am in prayer that God will direct our decisions and open our minds and hearts to whatever His plan is. 

We have a lot to think and pray about in the next few weeks.  Please keep us in your prayers.  Thank you bloggy friends.    

Feeling Normal, Finally!

I'm finally feeling "normal" again.  Still in some pain from the hernia surgery and new hardware in its place, but overall I feel a ton better.  I'm actually feeling the best I've felt in more than a year.  I am feeling like I'm getting my life back overall. 

I gave up soda about two weeks ago and I feel so much better.  Chris is on a major diet and it's helping me eat better too.  We are also trying to walk more to give the pooches exercise.  We are trying to get into a healthy lifestyle both physically and mentally. 

We have a lot to be thankful for.  We do ask you to keep us in prayer this Friday as we go back to our fertility specialist for a checkup and to hear what our choices are.  Doctor Homm did not find what he was hoping for.  He says my ovaries are extremely small.  That means a lot, but to simplify it means conceiving will be even more difficult that we thought.  But do not feel bad for us, please.  Chris and I are in a great place mentally.  WE KNOW God has a plan.  It may not include biological children, but we know He has a plan.  Sometimes realizing God is in control and you're not at the wheel is the most liberating thing in the world.  I have recently come to grips with this reality and I am such a happier person.  God is good. 

I also heard about a young woman who miscarried today and I ask that you keep her and her family in your prayers.  This is a horrible thing in which many couples experience in silence.  If I could give any young couple advice before conceiving, it would be that infertility is something a lot of people experience.  It's not something to be ashamed of.  I have found so much comfort in letting my family and friends know.  Their love and kindness has helped more than any of them will ever know. 

I will post about our doctor's visit this weekend.  Until then enjoy the sunshine as Spring is finally here.  XOXO.

The Pain Remains

It's been almost a week since my surgery and I'm still in pain and the bruising is worse.  I will return to work tomorrow, Wednesday even with the current pain situation.  I guess the 3 or 4 week recovery is likely.  I was thinking I would be quick to recover, but I was wrong.  I've now resorted to Ambien to help me sleep.  I can't get comfortable enough to stay asleep.  When I wake up the pain is the worst.  I will keep you posted, but as of now I'm very disappointed in the recovery process.

She's So Vain...

While staring at my new "war wounds" it hit me, my once "young" stomach is gone forever.  I feared ever being considered vain, but now I know I am.  All I've been able to think about since the surgery is that my stomach will never look like it used to.  My twenty something, flat stomach is gone.  Now all that remains is this scar ridden skin that has been stretched during surgery.  I now have seven scars from different surgeries.  I was told during the most recent, a balloon was expanded in my stomach to give the surgeons room to work.  That kind of freaked me out.  My stomach has gone down a lot, but I have a feeling it will need some work to return to "normal".  Anyway, back to why I'm posting about his subject.  I've realized my worry has been over what my stomach will look like and not the fact that I will finally feel better.  I've been worried about wearing the new swim suit I recently purchased this summer.  I've decided I am going to wear that swim suit and my new "war wounds" with pride.  We are taking a trip to Vegas in April which will be a big test to see how comfortable I really am in my new skin.  I'm praying God will remind me not to be so vain and just be happy I'm alive.  :) 

Surgery Update:  As for how I am feeling, I woke up Sunday the most sore I have been since the surgery.  I am sore in places I didn't realize I would be sore in.  I'm healing, but am realizing the recovery will likely be longer rather than shorter.  I won't be doing much exercising for a few more weeks and maybe months.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Love and blessings! 

Momma Makes Everything Better...

Since I was a little girl there's been one person in my life who could make me feel better when I'm sick and that's my mom.  She used to put a cold cloth on my head when I had a fever, clean up my puke when I had the flu, make me chicken noodle soup and now that I'm an adult she still takes care of me.  She brought me a bag full of sweets and has been so comforting today.  I think it's just her being around that helps me feel better.  I love my mother so much and am so blessed to to call her mom. 

I'm feeling a little better today after a good night's sleep.  It's been really difficult to sleep since my surgery because I just can't get comfortable.  My doctor gave me a prescription for sleeping pills so I actually slept the entire night.  I'm still very sore and my incisions are still gross.  I am slowly, but surely on the road to recovery.  I am going to try to go back to work Monday, but we'll see how that goes. 

Today is my sister's fiance's birthday.  Happy Birthday Jimmy.  Talk to you later bloggy friends,  XOXO

Flowers Make Everything Better

It's amazing what flowers can do when you're not feeling well.  I absolutely love, love, love flowers.  My favorite are Gerber Daisys.  Guess what was delivered to my house today...

My wonderful co-workers sent me these beautiful flowers.  I have the best job with the most wonderful co-workers.  Thanks guys and gals.  It really means a lot and truly brightened my day.  XOXO

Warning: Graphic Image

Well folks, it's 3am and I am wide awake.  Finally took the bandages off my incisions.  As you can see in the above picture, my stomach has been to battle and back.  I thought the incisions would be smaller, but I was wrong.  I imagined my naval incision actually being inside the naval and not at the bottom.  Guess I will be wearing these with pride during bikini season. 

I also imagined healing faster than I am.  The pain really hasn't gone away.  I'm taking mild pain meds, but they only really make me tired.  Guess this may actually take a few weeks.  Already going crazy sitting at home, but can't do much else.  Thanks bloggy friends.  I will post later.  XOXO

Pain = NO SLEEP!

It's 5:30 am and I've been up off and on all night.  The pain from the surgeries is so bad the meds are not even touching it.  I thought everyone was joking when they said, "As long as you don't move you'll be fine".  Yep, they were right. 

The other sad thing is I am sleeping or trying to sleep in a recliner in the living room and I have to call for Chris to help me to the bathroom.  Visits to the toilet are also fun. ;(  First time I had a catheter, friends this is in no way fun.  They took it out before I left the hospital, but it's so, so, sore.  I'm pretty sure there has to be something better than that, come on science figure it out.

My praises: 
1.  My husband and his family.  They have been so helpful and caring.
2.  My family and friends.  My parents are coming to help out this weekend and give Chris a break.  My good friend and co-worker Rachel brought over fantastic food.  She's truly a blessing.  God shines right through that girl. 
3.  My job.  Anytime any medical or family issue has come up, my bosses do not hesitate to accommodate me.  It's nice to work at a place where I don't have to worry about "life issues".
4.  I have to say the nurses and doctors at Baptist Hospital East are truly wonderful.  It was like staying in a hotel instead of a hospital.  I highly recommend that facility for everything. 

Prayer requests:
1.  Please pray for my quick recovery and the fertility issues ahead.
2.  Pray for a family member who's on the job hunt.
3.  Pray safe travel mercies over my family.
4.  Pray for my husband.  He's so kind and patient with me and a true blessing, but he made need a little extra patience this week.

Thanks bloggy friends.  XOXO

Surgery=PAIN!

Well friends, I made it.  The surgery was a success.  My hernia is fixed and it appears just in time .  My surgeron says my intestines were sticking out and that could have been really bad.  My female parts are nice and clean, but we didn't get good news when it comes to my ovaries.  They are both considered extremely small.  The specialist is concerned this could be a major issue when we try to conceive again.  We'll cross that bridge when it comes.

The pain was overwhelming even with meds when I woke up from surgery.  It's still pretty bad, but I'm learning mind over matter.  I hope to update this blog everyday.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Love,
Jenn

Road Warrior...

This weekend is a full out packed party.  Friday, the hubby and I are driving four hours to Marshall University to celebrate my favorite professor's 50th birthday.  He's not just any professor, he's one of the people who has always believed in me.  Thank you D.H.  You're my fav!

Sunday is Chris' birthday and I'm still trying to figure out how to surprise him.  He's turning the big 34. :)  I tell him he's old. 

Praises for the week:
1.  An end to the pain.  Next week is my surgery.  It's been a long road, but I may finally be just weeks away from being pain free.
2.  My job.  I've been experiencing great blessings in my job.  I love it! 
3.  My family and friends. 

Prayer requests:
1.  A family member has lost his job.  Pray that he gets a much better one that will provide more family time.
2.  Pray for a safe surgery and quick recovery.
3.  Unspoken for an unsaved.

Love & Blessings

The Final Countdown...

Hi!
Just 10 days now until the big surgery day.  It seems I'm a special patient.  I get not one, but two surgeons.  Yay for me. :(  The first doctor is Dr. O'Koon, a general surgeon.  He will be repairing my groin hernia.  My fertility specialist, Dr. Homm will be going in second to work on my lady parts.  I have some weirdness going on that makes me have some pain just about everyday.  My left ovary (namely the trouble maker) is attached to my uterus.  I'm told this is not supposed to be.  Basically the ovary bends down and is attached to the uterus so when the uterus moves it pulls on my ovary.  (ouch!) It's the same ovary that had the large cyst on it so there's likely some major scar tissue.  I'm thinking maybe he should just take it out, I have another one.  OUT WITH THE TROUBLE MAKER!  :)  Gotta have a sense of humor these days or I will go crazy. 

I also have a pretty large mass just hanging out in my uterus taking up space and causing some other weird events.  Dr. Homm is not really sure what it is, but it could be from all the miscarriages or just scar tissue.   He's also going to make sure everything is clear and see if there is any endometriosis.

I'm told it will take about three weeks for me to be able to do "normal" activity after the double surgery.  I'm thinking I will be up and running within a few days.  They don't know this superwoman :).  I will try to post between now and of course as soon as I'm lucid after the surgery I will post too.  Until then, I could use a few prayers or maybe a lot of prayers.  Thanks bloggy friends.  XOXO

There will be days like this...

It's been a tough day.  What can I say.  One foot in front of the other.  Today is one of those days I just can't get my cousins out of my mind.  The cousins I lost suddenly in a car accident over the summer.  The above picture is a random night I was visiting WV from Louisville.  The girls and I had ice cream and watched cartoons on a blanket all night.  I miss those nights.  I miss their giggles.  I miss my girls.  Not much else to say tonight.  I know that God is good always.  He is, but my heart still hurts...

Apparently I'm a bad furbaby mother...

Diesel and Lexy went for their checkups.  Lexy got a shot and Diesel got a diet. :)  Per doctor's orders, D has to lose 5 pounds, eat 25% less twice a day.  Poor guy.  I told him he's not fat, he's just fluffy.  Apparently everything I'm doing or have done is wrong.  I started mixing their food because they would eat each other's food.  Apparently that's a bad idea because Lexy's puppy food has too much fat in it for Diesel.  I also probably shouldn't give them as much cheese for a snack.  Whatever.  I am also not crate training Lexy the right way.  Geez...I thought I was a good furbaby mom.  They go back next month.  All I can say is Diesel is already not a happy camper.  I will let you know what happens.  XOXO

The American Dream

What does it mean to be an American?  That's the question I ponder as a sweet little girl with long black hair no more than 5 years old, sits on my couch with her mom and baby sister.  Their family is at our house so we can talk about the letter they need my husband and I to write to keep the mother from being deported. 

Why is it that some of us are lucky enough to be born citizens while others have to risk their lives to even get to America?

This is a short entry, but one I hope will remind of how lucky some of us are. 

Channeling My Inner Martha

Cooking, cleaning and all that jazz...

I find myself at 28 in the job of my dreams.  I've worked hard to get to his point.  Lots of weird schedules, working holidays and sacrificing family time.  It's all been worth it!  Now as I approach 30, I find myself wondering if I should now strive to be more domestic, you know like Martha Stewart. 

I asked my wonderful husband last night if he wishes I were more of a homemaker and less of a career woman and he says no.  Yep, he earned major points with that.  Either way, I feel like I should maybe cook a little more or learn how to make something.  Maybe I will try to learn how to sew or maybe I will try to bake something from scratch.  Or maybe I should just leave that to the Kroger bakery and not burn the house down. 

My sister-in-law Andrea is so creative and domestic I am often jealous (in a good way) that I can't be more like her.  She makes her own soap, cleaning products and sews like a crazy woman.  Maybe I should try to channel my inner Andrea instead of Martha. :)  I will update you on how it all turns out. 

Finding My JOY

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

I find myself on the couch with a bag of Hershey's chocolate and my favorite warm blanket with my hubby.  No fancy restaurant for us, no, no, no.  I decided what better way to celebrate the big VDay than to start this blog.  Writing is my therapy.  I also believe in the power of prayer so as you read this please keep me in prayer. 

How did I start out Valentine's Day?  Well, with a visit to the doctor's office of course.  Let's rewind a year or so to get to why I'm visiting the doctor on Valentine's Day.  The last year has not be a kind one or one that I would like to remember.  It's been a year of deep loss for my immediate and extended family.  It was about this time last year that my husband and I were begining our journey of trying to conceive (TTC).  Yep, baby time.  We were excited to be on this new journey.  But it wasn't long until we were met with deep heartbreak.  We experienced our first miscarriage just before Mother's Day.  What a difficult weekend that was. 

We quickly learned one in four women experience the same loss.  No one shares those statistics when you are TTC.  Maybe that's because it's one of those unmentionable conversations.  We recovered quickly as we always do with bumps in the road.  Over the next few months, we would relive our loss many times over.  Five.  That's the number we are sticking with.  The number of unborn babies we have in heaven.  That's a lot of loss.  It become routine for us to follow a positive pregnancy test with a "well maybe this one will make it a few more weeks".  That never really happened for us.  We finally knew it was time to stop, get a grip and feel human again. 

Take one step back.  In the middle of our battle with TTC, we were faced with another battle.  My three cousins were killed in a car accident.  Talk about knocking the breath right out of you.  Jesus had me on my knees more than ever.  There were a few nights, maybe more than a few when I really did cry out to Jesus asking why, even though I know I should not question My Savior.  It's funny how in those moments when the pain in your stomach radiates to your heart and it hurts to even take another breath that you feel Jesus the most.  I wondered so many times how someone who does not know the love of Jesus could get through such loss. 

With the begining of December came the begining of our hiatus from TTC.  We decided to see a specialist.  He found some "problems" with me.  Yep, I'm broken.  That's what I like to call it.  I have several issues leading to my infertility (IF).  One of which causes consistant pain and I will be having a surgery for in March.  Now enter a new year, January.  Just when I was hoping for a new year and a new start another problem pops up.  A hernia.  Seriously, I am not sure where this came from.  I do know it's painful.  The specialist referred me to another doctor to hopefully fix my hernia at the same time as the fertility issues. 

So on this Valentine's Day I sit in pain on the couch with my wonderful hubby who understands my "brokeness" and two great pooches.  I know that one day soon I will be "normal" or "not broken".  Until that day, I will nurse my brokeness with this blog and let it Fuel My Joy!